All throughout last week, I made sure to be bold. And I liked it. It was liberating and exciting to say and do what I wanted to. Not that anything I did was out of my standards, mind you, but that it was more outgoing than usual. I said hi to people I normally did not, my friends and I asked a new guy to join our table, I cracked jokes and shared witty remarks. All in all, I felt like Lauren 2.0 walking through the halls. Friday, especially, I let myself be daring.
This story is sort of my own Aesop's fable.
It was Homecoming. All of my friends and I sat in the bleachers, mingling, laughing, goofing off like only high school seniors can. Somewhere in the middle, we made plans to watch a movie at McKayla's* house. Why let the night end after the game? Later on, Tess, Jericha**, and I went to grab jackets. One thing led to another, though, and this small trip turned into a full-blown chocolate run to the grocery store. From there, we found ourselves meeting up with a friend of Jericha's.
Bit of back-story, here. This friend of Jericha's (we'll call him Sam) asked her to the Homecoming dance, and though he did not know it, he was going to receive his answer that night. Due to the elaborate scheme Tess and Jericha had concocted, they couldn't go to the movie we'd planned earlier. I was still planning on going.
Nonetheless, my commitment wavered when I got to know Sam. When I first saw him, he was sitting on the bed of his truck and covered in shadow. After Tess introduced the two of us, he stood up to greet Jericha, revealing a six-foot-four frame. I was impressed. But, I was more impressed with what a cool guy he was. He appreciated my vocabulary--what guy does that??? Plus, he was completely animated; he went along with all the silly things we said and did. In fact, he was the fuel to our fire. The four of us talked, laughed, and ran about, not really caring what people thought of us. I liked how Sam was different from the guys I normally hung out with. It felt bold. Refreshing.
As the night wore on, I found that I did not want to go. So when McKayla called me, asking "Where are you?" I told her I was going to stay with Tess, Jericha, and Sam. Her voice took on an exasperated tone as she said, "We planned this thing for you; you said Jericha hadn't seen [certain movie title] and you wanted to have a movie night for it. We're all here now, and you're not, and it's kind of disappointing." I felt like my chest was full of lead after she said that, but I knew what I wanted to do. I told her I was sorry, but that she'd still have fun with those that were there.
My reasoning for staying was this: When would I ever get another chance to know Sam? He attended another school in a different city, so what chance was there that I'd ever see him again? In addition, I greatly enjoyed being with Tess and Jericha. The whole situation was akin to watching a movie, becoming immersed in it, and then being told to turn it off and start a different one. You'd probably say, "Wait, I wanted to finish that!"
I had a very fun time. After all, I had done what I wanted. Even so, it was not right, and I knew it. A commitment was made, people were expecting me to keep it. In that moment when I struggled to decide which choice was best, I should have listened to the voice that urged me to keep my obligation. The question, "What would Christ do?" should have entered my mind. And though this dilemma was not of immense proportions, did not mean life or death, it still mattered. It is the little, day-to-day decisions that matter most. I am sad that I did not prove my loyalty.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin mentioned in a talk that we will all endure our Fridays; the days when we don't quite make it, when we feel like failures. However, he also mentioned that Sunday will come. "No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come." In light of my story, I take this to mean that I can become better. And I will, because that is what a disciple of Jesus would do.
Thus, there are two things I got out of Friday night:
- A new friend
- And a great lesson about personal character
For both, I am thankful.
*Names have been changed. :)
