Yeah, I know. It's a bit silly, isn't it?
But it--the stories, the show, the man himself--is such a huge part of me. I don't know who I'd be without it. (Whoa, Lauren, aren't you being a little melodramatic?) Not in the slightest.
Because of Sherlock, I see the world differently. I think and act differently. It's difficult for me to articulate just how much he's impacted me. I've always loved the stories; heck, the Great Mouse Detective was one of my favorite childhood movies, and the Robert Downey Jr. movie versions enthralled me. Two years ago, though, is when things truly took off. My dad showed me and my brothers BBC Sherlock, starting with the Hound of the Baskervilles for some reason. I was hooked. We then watched the Reichenbach Fall, and I knew I could never turn back. I was invested, and I had to know more.
Since then, over these years, I've seen all the episodes multiple times. I've read every single Conan Doyle canon story there is (some of them several times). Even some of the more venerable spin-offs, like the Mary Russell books. I know all the theories, fandom inside jokes, fanfictions. Everything. I've never been so invested in anything. Some people know everything about guns, or horses, or chemistry. I know everything about Sherlock Holmes.
Have you ever loved a fictional character so much it hurts? Like, you can't breathe sometimes? In some of my darkest moments last year, Sherlock and John got me through. (And, of course, Heavenly Father; but do you see what I'm getting at here?) He's important to me, and I don't care how weird that is to some people.
But, during this last semester of college, I've had to put him away. Too much schoolwork, too many people, and so little time to devote to this phenomenon that I so love. Months, it's been, since I feel I've been able to really think about Sherlock. I was afraid I'd lost my fervor for it all. Like it was the beloved storybook or toy put on the shelf to make room for the practical things in life. Of course I still loved Sherlock. But had the distance lessened that love, perhaps?
Today, when I watched the Sherlock BBC mini episode, something changed. Or rather, was restored. Throughout the whole thing, I'd been excited--giddy, even. But, as soon as Sherlock appeared on the screen in his video for John, I lost it. Seeing his mannerisms, hearing his voice, it all felt like coming home. It felt like discovering Sherlock for the first time all over again. It reminded me that I have been and always will be a Sherlockian.
This may seem very strange to you. That's okay. I know it's weird to be obsessed about a fictional character on the level that I am. Still, it doesn't change the fact that Sherlock has always made me strive to be more intelligent, more physically fit, more observant. I am who I am because of Sherlock Holmes, in many ways. And as long as something you love drives you to do good things, meaningful things, then I don't see anything wrong with pursuing it.
For me, the game is always on.
