Growing Up

This weekend hit me hard.

Every way I look at it, I am no little girl anymore. Not that I still wish I were one, but that it feels so sudden. Just a couple weeks ago, I found myself in the Barnes and Noble cafe reading a novel in which the main character shared my age. I realized that the younger kids reading these books saw these characters as quite grown up, ready to handle anything. Also, I was by myself, buying my own hot chocolate, using my own cell phone, and going to a party later on that night. I don't know, but I felt pretty independent. I still do now.

 This year I have learned more about myself and the world than ever. I know that I am in charge of myself and my decisions. As William Ernest Henley's poem Invictus declares, "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." Nobody can do things for me; if I want or need something, I must decide and/or work to have it. I know where I am going with my life. Moreover, I've been taking some college classes, and because of them, I know so much more about the world and its origins. My understanding of who we are as a people, as a country, and as a world are not perfect or extensive by any means, but I feel they are currently larger and more beneficial to me than before.

Yet, all these things do not compare with what this weekend has shown me. I want to break it up into three categories: Love, Life, and Death.

Love (a fitting song would be A Thousand Years by Christina Perri)

One of my closer cousins was sealed in the Oquirrh LDS Temple in Utah to his true love on Saturday. They are such a fitting and beautiful couple. I had the honor of attending their reception yesterday at one of the most beautiful buildings. The room was decorated very tastefully, and there was romantic and happy music playing. Outside, lights weaved around a gazebo and the ironwork lacing the patio. The night was beautiful. However, the best part was when the married couple began to dance. The song I mentioned earlier was playing, and for a while, it was just the two of them dancing.

They never broke eye contact. As they stepped in unison so gracefully, their love was wonderfully evident. I could see their happiness, and it made me infinitely happy to see it. The couple's start on eternity was a beautiful one. I am not sure if I have felt love so strongly in a room before.

In this moment, watching the blissfully happy couple dance, I wondered of my own marriage. Who will I marry? What kind of man will I meet, and come to love so purely? Girls often think about this, and I am certainly no exception. As I sat underneath the star-like lights of the gazebo, I thought of this future happiness, and knew that I had work to do. Because I want him to find everything he wants in me.


Life (here, You and Me by Dave Matthews Band seemed perfect)

My parents have some dear friends who've been unable to bear children for years. They would always tell me and my brothers how much their friends wanted children. I always felt so sad for them, especially because these friends were such kind people.

But, yesterday, my parents brought fantastic news: their friends are pregnant! The couple is using a surrogate, but the components are all theirs. What a blessing!

I cannot imagine the trial of being denied something as precious and desired as children. It must have made these friends even more ready for what came to them. Life is just so precious. Most times we take it for granted, not realizing that it is a gift. We are each granted one life, and we can use it as we please. We can even use it to create more life, and help those tiny lives find their path in this world. To grow strong, and kind, and capable. I hope to be able to do this.

Sadly, life's gift only lasts so long. Some lives last as long as a novel. Others, only the length of a chapter.

Death (Fix You, Coldplay)

On Saturday, a friend of mine died. A car accident.

At first, I couldn't comprehend it. What? She died? But then, the shock set in, and I knew. She was so young, only twenty. Just a month or two ago, I was talking to her in TJ Maxx, where she worked. How clearly I can see her face and hear her voice. Everyone in my neighborhood feels the loss.

Reader, do you know what it feels like to have someone near to you die? I never did, until now. It is so strange, to think she is gone, and never coming back. I can't help but feel that it will be a long time before I see her again. But, I know that she is okay. I know she is where love abounds and life continues, though in a different sphere.

I believe it will take a while for everyone to get used to this. This woman was a very loved one, and I know we all miss her. However, we need to remember where she is, and Whose hands she is now in. All will be well.

This makes me appreciate my life, and those of the people I love around me, so much more. I want to be a better person and use this time I have the best I can. I am sure that's what my friend did.

Now

I know I am still young and have lots to learn, but now more than ever, I feel like I'm growing up. In a little over a year, I'll be going to college. Independent life begins there, the future starts there. I'm a bit scared, but that's exactly what growing up is. It's scary, exciting, and sometimes difficult. Most of all, though, growing up is learning to deal with what life throws at you and smiling despite it all. Because of it all!